Energy drinks make my poo green and funny (Kiss me, I'm Irish!).

Honestly, I have no idea what else could have done it.

Seriously, it looked like that gross part of the lobster* that everyone says that you are supposed to eat but no one ever does, except my dad (Mmm...Green Shit!). I think that the eye stalks should have been a dead giveaway that we were not supposed to eat those things. Why the hell would people decide that enormous walking insects would be a delicacy anyway? If I squished a hundred mosquito's into a piece of bread, all I would have is a supremely pumped up sense of accomplishment at being able to catch 100 mosquitos (And a slice of bread! Kick-Ass!). Plus, I might be able to eat the bread rather than being subjected to another one of those vile energy drinks that I love so much.

Do you know those experiments we used to do in Junior High (Don't say "We did it in Elementary...", You self righteous prick! We waited to learn until grade 7 and we were damn happy to) where you took a chicken bone or the fat kid's tooth and put it in soda until it got all bendy (in the case of the bone) or drank all the soda (in the case of the fat kid's tooth). Ha ha! Just kidding, the tooth disappeared (just like the fat kid's self esteem!).

Energy drinks remind of those experiments. Except instead of a chicken bone or my tooth dissolving (I was husky, and kids can be so mean), it is as though it is eroding my very soul.

Which I totally don't need, cause I've already got this thing going on right now with green poop.

*Actually called the tomalley, this is the green coloured liver of the lobster. The origin of the phrase "Hot Tomalley" actually can place its origin here. Notably, because no one can eat something that looks like green shit and not throw up, and, to complete the joke, Tomalley puke is awesome (Awesome can mean hot! Losers.).