Monday, August 08, 2005

Things that you know have happened to you but are too ashamed to admit.

EDIT: I guess some clarification is needed here because of some weird looks I've gotten from my fiancee. Most of these things happened to Rob and Poul or some combination of a person resembling Rob and Poul. They are simply gracious enough to not check the site often enough to know that they get made fun of here often. And with that cleared up, onward ho!

Farted, then pooed a little...at dinner...specifically, a buffet...then went back for more.

Wanted to pleasure yourself, but were too lazy...at noon...on a Sunday.

Slept so long that you got tired...and a sore back...then had to take a sick day.

Read the first ten pages of a book...included it in your lists of books you've read...ask people if they've read it...then feel good about yourself when they haven't.

Picked your nose in an elevator...worried about camera's...then played with your balls.

Professed your admiration for a friend's girlfriends' boobs...to his brother.

Check the toilet paper to gauge your butthole cleanliness...or to see if it made a design...of the Virgin Mary.

Kissed a really ugly girl...discussed at length how putrid she is...pleasured yourself for five years.

Said that a movie was cool because your friends thought it was...that movie was Dodgeball.

Pinched the end of your penis while peeing...just to see it make a balloon...then let go to see how far it would spray...at a friend's house.

Heard your parents having sex...while masturbating...and not stopping.

Pleasured yourself to a cartoon character*...on a show for twelve-year-olds.

Went on a pity date because you were hungry and/or bored...then pleasured them orally.

Peed in a closet...pooped in a chair...acted non-chalant and outraged when you heard that someone could do something so vile**.

Measured your penis...that's enough.

Fluffed it before peeing at a urinal...tried to show it off to the guy next to you...saw his instead...were still disappointed.

Had stage fright while peeing at a urinal...then shook your penis and pretended that you had peed.

Had the terrible realization that at some point you stopped looking cool-sloppy...and just fat.

Looked at your own ass in the mirror...and you are a man.

Told your most embarrassing story...and lied.

*Jessica Rabbit doesn't count, Bitches! That was PG-13, or at least I, I mean somebody, hopes it was...wait...same goes for that chick in "Cool World"...and the Pink Ranger...this might need a whole new topic.

**Earning yourself the subtle nickname, Midnight Shitter.

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Blogger Riz said...

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8:11 PM  

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